Winterfair Seasonal Songs

Jeff Melcher (Pouncer) said to the Lois-Bujold list in late November 2001:
As we are bombarded with carols played and carols twanged and carols barked and carols at the mall and carols at work and carols in commercials and carols where ever we go... So it occurs to me that, in self defense, we ought to fight back. Who's up for a few rounds of Winterfair Filk?

By Jeff (Pouncer) Melcher unless otherwise noted.

Twelve Days of Winterfair

by Pouncer

On the twelfth day of Winterfair,
my true love sent to me ( *Inhale!* )
Twelve Vor Lords leaping
Eleven Ladies dancing
Ten plotters plotting
Nine Ghem spies watching
Eight Greekies joking
Seven Herms confusing
Six Usurpers lurking
Five Dendarii! (boom boom boom...)
Four Koudelka girls
Three shock sticks
Two Necklin Rods
And a brand new covert ident'ty
(gasp, gasp, gasp...)

Miles Vorkosigan

by Pouncer
Ttto: Frosty
(this was written when I was still mentally pronouncing the name VORko SEEgun... I have re-trained my habits since. But, anyhow:)

Oh, Miles Vorkosigan was a manic, frantic soul
with an upthrust chin and a quirky grin
and his eyes fixed on his goals.
Miles Vorkosigan, was a courier they say,
going to and fro -- Only ImpSec knows
how he risked his life each day...

There must have been some feathers on
that unseen hat he wore
and when he placed it on his head
he reversed the tides of war.

Said Miles Vorkosigan as he hurried from the fray,
"Whatever I can do, Marilac can too;
and I'll be back again some day."

Ivan Vorpatril

by Pouncer
Ttto: Rudolph

Ivan, the tall dark Vor Lord led a very active life
and if you ever saw him, you'd think he'd never want a wife.

All of the other Vor Lords, Used to smile at Ivan's games.
They'd tell each other "Ivan, has it made with all his dames."

But one lonely Winterfair two girls turned him down.
"Ivan, you're a charming pup,
but come back when you're all grown up."

Then how the Vor Lords mocked him. And they shouted out with glee;

"Ivan, you idiot! Now what? Find yourself a Vor Lay-Deeee."

O Little Town of Silvy Vale

by Ruth Bitz

O Little Town of Silvy Vale upon the lake so bright
Below the waves the past recedes into the silent night
Yet in your new school shineth education's glowing light
The hopes for all our children now reach for greater height.

Emporor Gregor

by Diana Hurford
Ttto: "Good King Wenceles"

Emporor Gregor reflected
On his planets three
Komarr, Sergyar, Barrayar
Defferences of each

Komarr with its massive domes
And Soletta mirror
Make the planet livable
Carry air masks here

Sergyar undeveloped
Plagued by nastly worms
Run by two Vorkosigans
Rules are fair but firm

Barrayar is home to him
Though problems there abound
Backwater hicks and politics
Challenge him, so he has found

Simon Illyan's watching you

by Jean Lamb
I mean, we've got to have something for Simon:

You'd better watch out,
you'd better not spy,
you villains and louts
had better not try,

Simon Illyan's watching you all.

He's making two lists:
one short and one long.
He knows who is who
and he knows who's done wrong.

Simon Illyan's watching you all.

He knows when you've been sleeping,
He knows when you're awake,
He knows if you're forsworn or not,
So be loyal for Gregor's sake...

He never forgets, he never forgives,
He knows what you think
and he knows where you live.

Simon Illyan's watching you all.

The Coca-Komarr Carol

(Or, The pissed-off engineer's dream...) by Pouncer

I'd like to build my world some domes
and heat them from above
with solar rays both night and day
from a snowflake that I love
(dum de-dum, dum-dum)

I'd like my world to be as warm
and green as it can be;
to breathe the air out everywhere
.. and to own the air company!

That's the dream I see,
what my world needs today,
I'll repair the wreck of commerce and tech --
When the Barrayarans go away.

Piotr's New (fiscal) Year Carol

by Pouncer
Ttto: "We Three Kings"

Sixty 'Counts of Barrayar are
bearing gifts to our Emperor
golden coins our e-payments join
financing Empire, oh

Gold so yellow, gold so bright
worthless now, but miser's delight
We'll be seen with hands between his
Pledged to our liege lord's rights.

Cavillo's Conniving Carol

by Pouncer
Ttto: "White Xmas"

I'm scheming to become Empress
I'm letting lesser plots all go
I'll abandon the Rangers
to Ceta dangers
and dump Metzov, (he can't know...)

I'm scheming to become Empress
With all my will and wiles and might.
I'll make sure my clutches are tight,
And all paths to victory look bright.

The Dendarii Commando Leader's carol

by Pouncer
Ttto: "My favorite things"

Spy-eyes and stunners and climbing spool tackle
Noseplugs and earplugs for comm with no crackle
Throat mikes that pick up my least murmurings
These are a few of my favorite things.
(ding ding, ding ding)

Skinsuits that armor 'gainst disruptor fire
SPACE ARMOR that armors 'gainst anything higher
and personal plasma mirrors Betan techs bring
These are a few of my favorite things.

When shuttles drop
When battle's joined,
When shit hits the fan,

I wish that more space armor came in my size,
or wish this set was plumbed, for a man...

Vordarian ran into Cordelia

by Elizabeth C. Twitchell
"Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer"

Vordarian ran into Cordelia
While trying to usurp, one winter's eve.
You may think that Betans are non-violent
But me and Simon Illyan, we believe.

He'd been courting Serg's widow,
Hoped to be the prince's da
Tried to burst the Regent's marriage
but his plots all had a fatal flaw.

Vordarian ran into Cordelia
Trying to usurp one winter's night.
But Illyan knew from vivid first impressions
what would be the outcome of that fight.

The usurper stood there blinking
While Cordelia showed a shoe
to the grieving prince's mother --
before the Count quite knew it, he was thru.

Vordarian ran into Cordelia
Trying to usurp the Regent's place
but Simon Illyan might have told him
Dare the Admiral's Captain; you'll lose face.

(spoken: "Actually, experience suggests the loss will be everything from the neck on up..." )

(change to a higher key for the final chorus)

Vordarian ran into Cordelia
While trying to usurp one winter's eve
Some may say that Betans are non-violent.
But me and Simon Illyan, we believe.

The Ceta's Revenge

by Pouncer
Ttto: "Let it Snow"

There's a city off in the distance,
putting up a stiff resistance,
And Vorkosigan's our worst foe.
Make it glow, make it glow, make it glow.

They have caused us no end of trouble,
so let's nuke their homes to rubble,
Then some phosphorous salts we'll sow.
Make it glow, make it glow. make it glow.

'Til some decades after the fight,
when the battles are over and though
when they look to their hills at night
They will still see their sky glowing blue.

I suppose it's not very subtle,
but it brooks of no rebuttal
and it's the single best trick we know.
Make it glow, make it glow, make it glow.

The Vor Lord with Intent

by Pouncer
Ttto: "Sleigh ride"

Just hear his medals clinking and jingle, tinkleing too.
He's come in full House livery, a'special delivery for you.

O, Emperor Gregor come on, it's so uncommon to view
Our young Lord Miles Vorkosigan, full of boasting anew.

There's old Simon Illyan lying in a sickbay bed,
And his memory chip is going to snot inside his head,
The surgeons won't do a single thing,
Your Vor Lord asks you why.
Why not appoint him Auditor and watch the sparks all fly?

Just hang the chain around him (it weighs him down a bit, too)
Give him a pliant helper with giant loyalty true.
He'll flip all Cockroach Central for Haroche's mental review.
It always makes us smile just to see what Miles can do.

Donna's Winterfair

by Pouncer
Ttto: "I'm gettin' Nuttin for Xmas"

I had a puppy bright and fair,
Richars took it from me.
I had a father wise and rare.
Richars took him from me.
Had the District running well,
Brought the Armsman 'neath my spell
But it can't last, yes I can tell,
Richars takes all from me..

(Spoken, "Unless --")

I'm getting nutted for Xmas,
I've cloned the organs from Dad,
I'm getting nutted for Xmas,
Oh BOY! Won't Richars be mad?

Winterfair Index

Webpage created by Michael Bernardi
All filks © 2000-2001 the original authors.

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Last updated: June 8th 2002
Originally Uploaded: December 9th 2001